Ееее, не

15-ти век. Стои принца, чака писмо от любимата. Три дни и три нощи чака. Пристига пощенски гълъб. Щастливият принц развълнуван отваря писмото, а там: “Точа мечове. Много изгодно.”

Въпрос: Какво разделя хората от маймуните?
Отговор: Средиземно море.

Лети грузинец от Ленинград за Тбилиси с Аерофлот.Издигнал се самолета на нужната височина и по уредбата обявяват,че ще се проведе
експеримент - управлението на самолета ще бъде предаделно в ръцете на маймуна за 15 минути.В пътническия салон настъпва паника но
грузинеца остава спокоен.След изтичане на 15-те минути по уредбата се обявява,че експеримента е бил успешен.Учени от екипа провеждащ
експеримента се учудили много защо грузинеца не се е поддал на паниката и го питат каква е причината.Отговора който получили бил:
"Чудо голямо - маймуна кара самолет.. А при нас в Тбилиси АРМЕНЕЦ кара тролей !!! "

от капитал:

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you.
But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you.
I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.
I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
George thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.
The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water.
He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell.
"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks.
All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
" No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.
The Devil opened a third door.
In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose.
Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said:
"Yeah, | can handle this."
The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!

Едет поезд. В вагоне: Генерал, жена Генерала, дочь Генерала,
прaпорщик и солдат. Солдат мялся, мялся да и говорит:
- Товарищ Генерал! Разрешите срать идти.
Генерал в шоке, жене - в трансе, дочька - в ауте.
Прапорщикневозмутимо говорит:
- Товарищ Генерал! Разрешите я отругаю солдата.
- Да, конечно.
- Встаньте тов. солдат! Что за хуйня тов. солдат! Перед вами Генерал
или хуй знает что! И жена у него не блядь, и дочька малая, живого
хуя не видала! А вы при них "срать, срать"

Безброй много математици влезли в един бар.
Първият си поръчал бира, вторият половин, третият четвърт бира.
Барманът казал "Вие сте идиоти" и им налял две бири.

Political Correctness and Datasheets

Q: Datasheet Specifications: Provoking or Confusing?
A: That's a matter of opinion. We receive many comments about our datasheets, mostly "good," "well done" or "reliable data." On some occasions, however, customers complain about missing information (usually specific to their application), or the occasional typo that finds its way into a datasheet. We're used to receiving a breadth of comments about our datasheets, but rarely do we get calls that are completely unexpected.

A recent call started well, with the caller, Ms. April Day, commenting that our products performed admirably, but she found our datasheets to be a little difficult to read. I chuckled to myself and told her, "Yes, some of our engineers can get carried away when writing datasheets." The conversation took a turn into uncharted territory when she said the datasheets weren't technically difficult to read, but that they were not "PC" friendly. I assured her that our datasheets could be viewed or printed from any computer. "No, no," she said, "I mean politically correct." She then proceeded to rattle off the offending aspects of the datasheet. When she had finished her list, my chin was severely bruised from having hit my desk top so often during her call

She was quite enthusiastic and passionate about her cause, and I told her we would take her comments under advisement. After mulling over her comments with some of my colleagues, we came up with some creative "PC" alternatives that could be implemented into our datasheets. Following is her list of offensive parameters; with our "politically correct" alternatives in italics.

Input bias current... Input non-discriminatory current,
Voltage Noise... Silence Challenged Voltage,
Thermal resistance... Non-receptive thermal conduction,
Common Mode Rejection Ratio... Bourgeois Mode No-Dice Ratio,
Disable pin... Differently abled pin,
Negative feedback... Non-Positive feedback,
Absolute Maximum ratings... Genuine Zenith ratings,
Power Supply Rejection Ratio... Power Supply Refusal Ratio,
Negative power supply... Unaffirmative power supply,
Harmonic Distortion... Spectral Purity Assessment.

Ms. Day was quite pleased with our new phraseology and appreciated our quick response in resolving this issue. I told her that if one of our parts met with an early demise in her application, she could return it to our Analysis Laboratory for a complete Deferred Success Analysis Report.

By the way, I forgot to mention our caller's middle name... Fools, that's right April Fools Day. In case you haven't realized it yet, this RAQ has been an April Fools' Day1 joke, rest assured we will not be incorporating any of these changes into our datasheets. See you next month!

Взето от: http://www.analog.com/en/content/RAQ_index/fca.html - има и други велики бисери, при това не са измислени...

"silence challenged voltage" е прекрасно....

1. Една клетка на човек съдържа 75Мб генетична информация

2. Един сперматозоид съдържа 37.5Мб.

3. Един милилитър съдържа около 100 млн сперматозоиди.

4. Средно еякуляцията продължава 5 секунди, което прави 2.25 мл спермa.

5. И така пропускателната способност на мъжкия полов орган е равна на: (37.5Мб x 100M x 2.25)/5 = (37 500 000 байт/сперматозоид x 100 000 000 сперматозоид/мл x 2.25 мл) / 5 секунди = 1 687 500 000 000 000 байт/секунда = 1 687.5 Терабайт/секунда От тук се получава, че женската яйцеклетка издържа тази DDoS-атака с 1,5 терабайта в секунда и пропуска само един избран пакет от данни и е най-добрия в света хардуерен файеруол... Обаче този един пакет, който тя пропуска , срива системата за цели 9 месeца..

Из чудесата на българския език:

Дума с три представки - ИЗПОНАсрахме се.

абе и руския не е постен език:
На производственном совещании:
- Хочу обратить внимание сотрудников, работающих непосредственно с
клиентами, на то обстоятельство, что словосочетание "всякая херня"
не в полной мере отражает ассортимент товаров и услуг, предоставляемых
нашей компанией.